


But i know you too well

by NearlyWitch



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Comfort, Communication, Dreams and Nightmares, Fluff, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:00:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23561962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NearlyWitch/pseuds/NearlyWitch
Summary: Ronan isn't afraid of his dreams anymore, but he is afraid of hurting AdamAs Adam finds Ronan hurt and outside in the middle of the night, he desperatly wants to help him, but Ronan is afraid to expose his thoughts.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Kudos: 52





	But i know you too well

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! this is my first post, so any feedback would be much appreciated. Also, English is not my first language so please don't mind the grammar/spelling mistakes.  
> Hope you enjoy!

Ronan isn’t afraid of his dreams anymore. He has gotten used to them in some weird way. In the beginning, he was scared to go to sleep with the fear he would hurt himself or bring something dangerous back. But he now knows that there is no escaping his dreams. This part of him will always haunt him and he had to get used to it because not sleeping was not an option. he had tried that method as well, after he continuously woke up covered in blood or with weird dream creatures ripping his skin open. He would just not try to sleep, stay awake for as long as possible and only take one or two hour long naps. That didn’t hold up for very long though. After a few days he was completely exhausted and he decided he had to sleep.

Ronen isn’t afraid of his dreams anymore, but he is afraid of hurting Adam. When Ronan is alone, he doesn’t care what he brings back from his dreams. He doesn’t care about hurting himself or waking up covered with some weird goo. He has gotten used to it, he could handle it. But he is terrified that his dreams will hurt Adam when they sleep together. Adam, who already has felt so much pain and hurt is his life that if he would never feel any pain again, it would still not be enough to make up for everything. Adam, who has built these walls around himself to protect himself from any more damage. Adam, who also seems so fragile at the times he lets his walls down when he and Ronan are safe and together.

After a while, Adam finally trusted Ronan with all his heart and being. Ronan knew this and was terrified he would break this trust by accidentally hurting Adam with his dreams. He told Adam this, that he couldn’t control them. Adam simply shrugged and said, “I know you would never hurt me”. Of course not, Ronan thought, but it isn’t me who decides what happens at night.

It was Spring break and Adam was visiting Ronan at the Barns. They spend the days like they always would when they were together; filled with late night drives, lazy mornings, late lunches with Opal, watching movies all cuddled up and casual touches everywhere. Adam really felt at home in the Barns. He felt at home when he was with Ronan.

Tonight, Adam fell asleep on the couch as they were watching a movie. He was nuzzled to Ronan’s side, with his head on Ronan’s chest. Sometimes at college, he would have trouble falling asleep. His room would feel cold and his bed would feel too empty. When he was with Ronan, he would always feel so at peace that he would sometimes just fall asleep instantaneously.

He woke up in the same position with Ronan brushing his fingers through his hair ever so lightly. Before, Adam never would have thought that Ronan’s hands could feel so soft and gentle. He felt a hand coming down his face and stroking his cheekbones. Adam opened his eyes, showing he was awake, feeling slightly embarrassed for falling asleep again. “Had a nice nap?” Ronan said. Adam just responded with a content noise. “You wanna go to bed?” Ronan asked, kissing his hair softly. Adam knew Ronan had not been sleeping in the time he had been. Ronan would only sleep the minimal number of hours necessary at night and would never be caught sleeping during the say.

“Come on then” Ronan said while slowly moving off the couch. He extended his hand to Adam to pull him of the couch as well. They walked up the stairs to their bedroom, keeping their fingers intertwined.

Adam had a hard time waking up from his nap on the couch and sleepily followed Ronan’s lead upstairs. Ronan noticed Adam’s almost sleep-walking and helped him out his clothes and guided him towards the bed. At any other time, Adam would have been embarrassed by this. He was perfectly capable of undressing himself, but he was so tired that his hand and legs were not doing what he wanted them to do. They got into bed and laid face to face for a while. “You’re really cute when you’re asleep you know” Ronan suddenly said with a smirk on his face. “Shut up, Lynch” Adam said so quietly it was almost a whisper. Adam closed his eyes after that and fell asleep again. But when he was on the edge of sleep he heard a soft sigh and a voice say “I love you Adam.”

Adam woke up from a cold breeze lightly going over his skin coming from the open window. The first thing he saw was the alarm clock next to his bed and it told him it was only 3 am. He wanted to close his eyes again when he realised the spot next to him felt awfully empty. He rolled over to see that Ronan wasn’t there. But the thing that shocked him the most was the thick red blood that covered Ronan’s side of the bed. Adam bolted upright and had to take a few seconds to gather his thoughts and get himself together. Yes, it had happened before that Ronan woke up with weird dream objects in his hands. It had also happened before that Ronan would wake up hurt, with scratches over his body and drops of blood on the sheets. But Adam had never seen something like this before.

Adam immediately got out of bed and grabbed the first hoodie he saw and put it over his head while stumbling out of the bedroom. He saw a trail of the blood going down the stairs. “Ronan!” he shouted when he didn’t see Ronan downstairs. “Ronan, where are you!”. Adam started to get really worried now. His head was spinning and he couldn’t think straight. He then saw that the outside door was open. He ran through the door to the dark porch where he couldn’t see anything. “Ronan, are you out here?” When he didn’t get any response he got more desperate “Please Ronan just say something, I need to know if you are okay”. “I’m here Parrish” he heard a small voice come from the other side of the porch. Adam stumbled over there when he saw Ronan, his elbows resting on the railing of the porch and his hands covering his face.

“Ronan! Are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?” a stream of words tumbled out of Adam’s mouth. He was so worried and Ronan definitely did not look okay. When he came closer, he saw Ronan covered in the thick red blood that was also on their bed. “Shit, what happened? Do... Do I need to call an ambulance or something? Ronan there is blood everywhere!”.

“Don’t worry Parrish, It’s not my blood”. Ronan finally looked up and when he saw that Adam still looked very concerned, he added “Really, I’m fine”.  
“Shit, Ronan, I... I was so worried. You were not in bed and... and there was blood everywhere” Adam’s voice almost became a whisper. “I ran out of bed because I didn’t want this to happen” Ronan said while making a gesture at Adam. “What do you mean” Adam said.  
“I mean, shit Parrish” Ronan sighed “I didn’t want you to know because I knew you would be worried and stuff”. “No shit Lynch, you look like you are almost dead, of course I am worried. And you were not even going to tell me?” Adam was trying to not sound angry, but his voice wasn’t calm either. “Why are you even outside, you’re barely wearing clothes. Where you planning to just freeze to death”.

Ronan said nothing for a while, looking like he was gathering his thoughts.

“I couldn’t breathe” Ronan said, breaking the silence while finally looking at Adam in the eyes for the first time this morning.

It took some convincing to let him help Ronan, but he got them both upstairs in the bathroom. He first got Ronan into the shower to wash off al the blood (was it even blood? Adam had no idea). In the meantime, Adam went into their bathroom to get some clean underwear and some sweats, just in case if Ronan was still cold. When Adam entered the bathroom again, he heard the shower turn off and he gave Ronan a towel and the underwear.

As Ronan walked out of the shower, Adam looked at him shocked. “You are hurt” Adam said, looking at the cuts and grazes all over his body and face. Ronan looked down at his body, as if he hadn’t even noticed. Without saying anything, Adam guided Ronan to the closed toilet seat so he could sit down. He started rummaging through the bathroom cabinets and found a first aid kit with some bandages and something that looked like a disinfectant.

Adam got to work on disinfecting Ronan’s arm. When the alcohol touched Ronan’s skin, he hissed slightly at the sting he felt. They were both quiet for a few minutes. Ronan observed Adam’s hands and how they were bandaging his arm ever so gently. When he knew Adam wasn’t looking at him, he looked at Adam’s face. His skin looked paler than usual and he had bags under his eyes. He was probably very tired, but he was still here in the bathroom with Ronan, being extremely patient with him.

When Adam wanted to start inspecting Ronan’s face, there eyes locked and they stared at each other for a second.

“Are you going to tell me what happened, or is it always going to be like this from now on?” Adam asked. Ronan’s first instinct was to spit out a response like _What the hell do you mean by that_ , but he thought for a second. “I… This, This just happens sometimes and I can’t control it” he responded eventually.

“If this happened before, why don’t I know about it”. When Ronan didn’t respond, Adam added “God, Ronan, I know we both have things we rather don’t talk about, but I hope you know you can trust me. I you feel like this might be a burden on me, it’s not. I want to be able to help you if you need me” He looked at Ronan, looking for some kind of conformation.

“I know” Ronan said, “I know, but it’s not about that”. Adam’s face was still very close to his. He could sense a little confusion in Adam’s face, but his eyes were still directly looking at his. “It’s... It’s just that I am scared I will hurt you”. Tears started welling up in his eyes and that was really not what he wanted right now. He swallowed once in attempt to compose himself. “I am scared that I bring something back and that I won’t be able to protect you… and I know you don’t need to be protected but if I bring something fucked up back from my fucked up dreams, it sure as hell is my responsibility it doesn’t hurt anyone… especially that it doesn’t hurt you. Because I don’t want you to get hurt, you really really don’t deserve that, Adam.” Ronan was rambling at this point and Adam took his face in his hands to try to calm him down. Ronan stopped talking when Adam kissed him softly on his lips.

“If you are worried about that, we will figure something out together.” Adam said after pulling away from Ronan. He took one of Ronan’s hands in his and intertwined their fingers, a gesture that Ronan had done so many times when he tried to comfort Adam “ You have helped me like a thousand times and you always tell me that we’ll go through it together. If we find some weird dream monster in the room in the middle of the night, we’ll fight it together. Ronan, I just want you to tell me if something is going on." Ronan’s gave a small smile at Adam. 

It was usually Ronan comforting Adam, not the other way around. Not because Adam wasn’t good at comforting, but because Ronan didn’t let himself be comforted. This night was different though, as they sat in the bathroom, letting all their deepest thoughts run out. Ronan didn’t feel ashamed anymore after Adam spoke to him. Hell, he thought he could never feel ashamed anymore confessing anything to Adam because Adam was the most sweet and caring and loving boy in the world. Adam pulled Ronan into a hug and as Ronan was stroking Adam’s hair, he thought he would burst from all the love he felt for him.

As they pulled back, Ronan leaned in for the kiss this time. It was hungrier than before because this was the only way he could express the way he was feeling, and he hoped Adam understood. As their kiss became more passionate, Ronan wanted to stand up and take Adam with him, but Adam stopped him. “Hey, don’t get too wild. There is still a huge gash in your forehead we need to attend to”. Ronan completely forgot about his physical state and when he touched his forehead, his fingers were covered in blood. “Lucky for me I have my personal nurse here.” Ronan said with a smirk and Adam shook his head as he smiled sheepishly at him.


End file.
